Thankfulness: What it Means to Me

Thanksgiving: the holiday that comes around only once per year, and the only holiday that really allows you to justifiably stuff yourself more than the actual turkey itself was stuffed, and no one can say a single word... and you don't have to feel bad about it, because everyone else is doing the same thing! 

Thanksgiving is also the one holiday of the year in which we, as human beings, feel obligated and pressured by society to post a status, send in a quick tweet, text people, write letters, etc. to let the world know that we are thankful, and to let them know exactly what we are thankful for. I am not discrediting that at all, because I absolutely LOVE seeing what people are thankful for, and rejoicing with them for the blessings in their lives, but while I could go on and tell you everything that I am thankful for in this post, which you wouldn't have time to read anyway, I mean you've got my Lord and Savior, my family, coffee, my friends, my dogs, coffee, a warm home, running, coffee, cupcake baking, my church family... oh and did I mention coffee? and the list would just go on an on and on. So, what is this post about? This post is not just about being thankful, but what the Lord has taught me to do with my thankfulness.

I always thought saying "Thank you", whether it be to an individual, or to the Lord, was enough, but honestly, in the past couple of weeks, my thoughts about, and heart towards, cultivating gratitude has changed so much, and I owe it all to the Holy Spirit speaking incredible words of truth  into my heart through one of my favorite professors at SAU. A couple of weeks ago, one of our spiritual events on campus at SAU was an evening of gratitude talks with this particular professor. On this night, this professor challenged everyone that attended the event to sit down at the end of each day and write down five things they were thankful for. That's it, just five things; it doesn't take much time, but creating this habit truly paves the way to being able to cultivate gratitude into your heart. 

I began to participate in this challenge that very night before I went to bed, and as I have continued this challenge, I am realizing that there is so much to be thankful for, and it is incredibly overwhelming and humbling when I take time to reflect on the things I am thankful for at the end of each day. I am realizing that no matter how crappy a day may seem, or what bitter feelings I may have in my heart, there is always a reason to be thankful, and there is ALWAYS a reason to embrace the fruit of joy. 

After about a week, the habit really was already established, but I was desiring something more, possibly some more understanding. I prayed about the things I was thankful for each night, and I asked God, what am I supposed to do with this? I have all of these things that I am thankful for, but now what? It is great to express gratitude, and I love acknowledging the blessings that God has placed in my life, but what I am supposed to do with that acknowledgment? 

Throughout the past week, the Lord has made it clear what I am supposed to do with those things I am thankful for. I am called to take those things I am thankful for and figure out how I can use them to honor and glorify the Lord, and the best possible way I can think to do that, is by serving and loving my brothers and sisters in Christ. Tonight, I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had today to spend in the kitchen baking. Baking is something I absolutely love to do, and I am so thankful for the skills and passion that I have for baking, but what I realized is that the Lord allowed me to use that opportunity on behalf of another. I got to bake the Thanksgiving pies tonight, and not only did I enjoy doing it, but it was a huge item that my mom is able to check off her incredibly busy list. 

It seems so small, and so simple, but it is something that I have definitely overlooked. I think it is so incredible, beautiful and profound that the Lord blesses us, and places things, activities, skills, people in our lives that we are thankful for, and when we take time to think about it, all of those things have the great potential to bring Him honor and glory. So, when you're making your list of things you are thankful for this season, I encourage you, take some time and reflect on how God has been, or is using those blessings! It is so neat to see how His painting of your life is coming together, when you just take some time at the end of each day to reflect on what He is doing! 

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." -James 1:17

In Him I Am Secure.

Makeup is a powerful tool, just as any other material object of the 21st century is. It has the power to make a woman feel confident and comforted, and it has the power to make a woman become dependent upon it, in order to feel beautiful, and often attractive. There is nothing wrong with putting makeup on here and there to accentuate the beauty that is already there, or to just have some fun, but it becomes a problem when a woman cannot leave the house without having it on, because she fears what the rest of the world will think, or even more so, say. It becomes a problem when makeup becomes a woman's sense of security. I say this, because I am a woman, and I had this fear, and just 22 days ago at that.

For the first time in my entire life, I have not put a single stroke of makeup on my face for 22 days straight (minus the annual 80's skate night event at SAU... gotta go all out for that, haha). As crazy as it may sound, I have taken my security blanket off, and I have discovered what it is like to really put on the confidence of Christ. In just 22 days, the Lord has taught me and is continuing to teach me who I am on the outside. There are so many posts on my blog about what God is teaching me about who I am on the inside, but this month, the Lord has transformed what I see on the outside as well.

On November 1, I woke up, went about my daily routine of getting ready in the morning, and before I knew it, I was reaching into my makeup bag... and then I remembered... the time had come... to put the mascara down. As I looked in the mirror, I could not fathom leaving my room without doing something! I stood in front of the mirror and criticized how short my eyelashes looked without mascara, how the lines under my eyes clearly displayed that I did not get enough sleep that night, and how pale my face looked without something on it. I was so harsh... but as I looked up, I saw the words that I had written on my mirror at the beginning of the school year, which say, "You are the BELOVED of Christ." In the matter of seconds I internalized that message in my heart, and I prayed. I prayed for confidence, and I prayed for peace in my mind, so that I would not be focusing on what people might be thinking or saying about my appearance.

For the sake of a cool story, I wish I could say that this month has been this dramatic revelation of what beauty is, and how the Lord dramatically captivated my attention, but in all honesty, this is a boring story, because it was a slow, daily process, but I am okay with that. Each morning as I woke up, not putting makeup on got a little bit easier, especially as I looked up at those words... "You are the BELOVED of christ."

I am His creation. I am His work of art. I am His masterpiece. I was created in His image. There is no flaw in me, and that includes what my face looks like. I was created intentionally, and God does not make mistakes. My face is exactly as it is, because that is how He planned it to be! Each morning that I have woken up and looked in the mirror, the Lord has allowed me to fall in love with this truth more and more. The truth that He makes no mistakes, and that I truly am His beloved. Only He can tell me who I am, and there is absolutely no reason why I need to feel like I should hide who He has made me to be, especially behind makeup.

This month, the Lord has taught me that there is something absolutely incredible about a natural face, and a natural smile. He has taught me that my beauty is more than just what my face looks like, but it looks like the natural glow that a woman gets when she knows who she is in Christ, and when she is filled with the love and power of the Holy Spirit. He has allowed me to genuinely like what I see when I look in the mirror, because I finally realize that I am HIS wonderful creation that He took so much time and detail to create, and I now can praise Him for it!

There truly is something incredibly beautiful, and contagious about a woman who is secure in all of her uniqueness, her uniqueness that was so intentional and planned by the Lord. This month, the Lord has allowed me take off my security blanket, and put on a different one, and that is the security of His love and perfection. I am who I am because He made me that way... and that is absolutely perfect! That is never to say that there is no room for growth, because there definitely always is, but each day, the Lord is allowing me to discover more and more of that Godly confidence that I know He is just yearning for me to uncover and implement in my life, and for that, I am so, so grateful.

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling! There is no flaw in you!" Song of Songs 4:7

Pushing Through the Pain... The Ultimate Reward

Legs and lungs burning. Heart rate racing. Sweat dripping. Time ticking. It is me against the clock, and this time, I am not going to let the clock win. 

My life has changed dramatically since the beginning of this semester in school; my fall semester of my sophomore year of college. Before the start of this semester, I made the decision to quit running competitively, because God was calling my heart to be actively engaged in other areas of campus life. Through a series of long conversations, hours of prayer, encouragement and advice from those that are much more wise than I, I came to my decision. Through the process, many tears were shed, tears of sorrow, tears of relief, tears of pain and tears of joy, but one thing remained constant throughout this entire decision-making process, and that was the Sovereignty of God, and His great love for me. 

Running has been a part of my life for the past 7 years, and to be honest, it defined more of me than I thought, and this became evident to me this past summer. 7 years ago I decided to start running, solely because I felt like the outcast of my family since every other family member was a runner. To my incredible surprise, I fell in love with this beautiful sport. Over the course of the last 7 years, running has become more and more important to me, and my passion to run fast really peaked my senior year of high school when I was able to work out health complications that I had been dealing with for the previous 5 years, and I was able to run to my full potential. There is just something so powerful about getting your body to move at a pace that seems incredibly impossible. The way my legs could propel the rest of my body forward, so quickly, yet so smoothly, was just captivating. 

This past spring, spring of 2014, the Lord began to impress upon my heart the importance of relationships, outreach, serving and fellowship, and at first I did not know what to do with these messages He was sending me. In March I went on a spring break mission trip to Hamtramck, MI with a group of 16 other SAU students, and to my surprise, the Lord changed my heart and used that trip and that team to impact me in a way that would truly change my life forever. The Lord opened up doors to serve in ways I had never served before. The Lord opened up conversations with people I had never gotten the opportunity to talk to on campus because I was consumed with other things, and the Lord opened up doors leading to opportunities to get involved in other areas of campus, besides being on a sports team.

When I got back from my trip, the thought crossed my mind, "What would it be like if I didn't run competitively anymore?" "I could do so many other things." For awhile, I wrestled with this thought, and prayed about this thought, and as I did, it became more than a thought, but something I truly felt the Lord impressing upon my heart, something that required discernment. 

When summer came around, I had decided to push the thought away, and continue on my journey as a collegiate athlete, but as I pushed that thought further and further away, things began to change. I was not running well. My body hurt, my iron sank, my ambition was gone, and I began to hate something I loved. I didn't understand why this was all happening, but I knew one thing for sure, and that was that I did NOT want to begin to hate something that I loved; something that brought me so much peace and joy, and that was exactly what was beginning to happen. I struggled with the reason why this might be happening, but then the thought about deciding to quit the team and get involved in other areas of campus creeped back into my head and heart. 

It seemed like an eternity went by before I could figure out what the Lord was trying to show me, and even when I thought I had figured out what I needed to do, I still had my doubts. I knew that regardless of the choice I made, the Lord would still use that choice to further His kingdom here on earth, as long as I was willing to let Him use me, but the thought of giving up something I loved so much was terrifying. Long story short, I decided to quit the team and pursue other areas of involvement on campus, and my decision has only allowed God to open so many doors, and I feel so incredibly thankful for the way in which the Lord has blessed my decision. 

Although I have been extremely blessed, there are parts of competing that I truly miss. I miss getting my spikes on and going up to that start line. I miss rounding the last turn and heading into the straight away, hearing the claps, cheers and screams of teammates, parents and coaches as I kick it in to the finish. I miss being surrounded by an incredible group of Godly women, who became my family, on a daily basis, and I miss being able to run fast. 

Since deciding not to compete this year, my body has been rejuvenated, my health is great, and I am running further than ever before, but there was this longing inside of me to run fast again, and without the proper training of speed workouts, and people to push me and encourage me in those workouts, the fear of never running fast again really settled into my heart, so very heavily. 

A few weeks back, my fear was so great, because I had been running every single day, but had given my body a significant break by training at a slower pace. I hadn't done a speed workout in quite sometime, but the longing to run fast was so strong, I just had to go out and see what I could do. 

As I was running, I decided to start off at a quicker-than-normal pace, and then try and pick it up every single mile for 6 miles. As I took off, I prayed and invited God along every step of my run. When I hit my first mile, I looked down at my watch which read 7:30 for the first mile... not to bad! I kept going, and with each mile, the time just kept decreasing, yet the fatigue and hardship kept increasing. When I had completed my run, I looked back on each mile, and realized that I indeed ran each mile faster than the previous, and in the excitement of the moment, I blurted aloud, "OH MY GOSH! I AM RUNNING FAST AGAIN!!!" 

In times of excitement, enjoyment and success, I often find it easy to disregard who I owe that success to, and that is the Lord, but in this moment, I immediately felt the nudge to pray and thank the Lord for the opportunity to run fast again-- despite the slower training pace. I had been giving my body the rest it needed, and the Lord honored that rest, and my obedience to follow His prompting to make a decision about running competitively by allowing me to experience running fast again. As I began to pray and thank the Lord, the first words that came to my mind were this:

It is not always easy. To be successful and achieve goals, requires hard work, but how much greater the appreciation of that success is when we have to work so very hard to earn it! How much more thankful was I to be able to run fast, knowing that I had to push through so many pains to experience that success again. How much more thankful was I to be able to run fast when I realized that even though my legs were trembling, and my heart was racing, and my mind was telling me to quit, the Lord delivered me, and gave me the strength to push my body to go beyond its physical limits, and experience a thrill so incredible! 

So what is my point? My point is that we as human beings desire to be successful, and to indulge in the feeling that success brings, but we often take that success for granted, especially when we do not have to work hard to earn it. However, in life, there is sure to be a choice to make or a tough situation to face, and pain is often inevitable, but when your legs are giving out, or your head is telling you to give up, remember that you have a Rock and Redeemer who is ready and willing to deliver you through that pain and suffering and lead you to success, as long as you cling to Him with all your might. Pain doesn't make things easier, that is for sure, but it definitely makes you stronger, and it definitely makes you appreciate your successes. When the race gets tough, keep your eyes up, and know that the finish line will eventually be in sight, but until that moment, rejoice in the pain, and push through it, because embracing that pain can reap the most beautiful rewards, and it truly allows you to cultivate a thankful heart and incredible sense of gratitude for the successes and achievements the Lord blesses you with. 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1

You Don't Have To Try So Hard...

So, No Makeup November is underway, and we are now at the end of day number two. The first two days have not been too hard yet, probably because I have been home this weekend, off campus, and around my family, who sees me without makeup all the time. However, the temptation has already creeped in ever so slightly, and I am expecting it to get much worse as I am back on campus and around my peers.

When I was in church this morning, I was around people who are practically my family, and who I have been around for a very long time, but regardless, the thought did cross my mind, "I wonder what people are thinking?" "Are people looking at me differently?" and for a moment the ever-so-soft voice of temptation whispered in my ear, "Come on, even just one little stroke of mascara wouldn't be that noticeable, and you would feel a little bit better" but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I did my best to remind me of the reason I decided to participate in this event in the first place, and that is to find my full confidence in Christ, and nothing else, not even a simple swipe of mascara. 

What would a journey of growth be without inviting someone along for the ride to grow with you? I mean, in all honesty, we are called to walk this life together; we are not meant to be alone. I like to share the journey that I am on, because I hope and pray that it will encourage others to step out in faith as well. I also like sharing the journey I am on, because I think it is so important for people to see that I struggle. I mess up. I am tempted. I am no where near perfect. Going on a journey, of any sort, requires a leap of faith, and struggles are promised, but it is through that adversity that I think God draws the nearest to me and impresses the deepest truths upon my heart, including the concept of confidence. There are times when you may fail, but you are forgiven and you are loved by an almighty God who is so proud of you for stepping out in faith and simply saying yes to the journey ahead. You are enough, even when the world tells you otherwise. You do not have to please those around you, you only need to worry about pleasing the Father above. You do not have to sift through the struggles of this world to find where you "fit in" or "belong" because you already have a perfect spot in the Kingdom of Christ, and all you have to do is say "Yes." You don't have to experiment with the things of this world, or do what others say will make you feel satisfied; you do not have to disrespect your body, your mind or your heart to fit in with others; you do not have to believe the lies that this world throws at you about what it takes to be beautiful or worth something; You DON'T have to try so hard.

My "theme song" of the month is "Try" by Colbie Caillat. The lyrics of this song are a beautiful message of hope, encouragement and empowerment to women of all ages who are struggling with finding confidence, and seeking it in all the wrong ways. Take a breath, relax, listen to the lyrics, watch the video, and grab your tissues. You don't have to try so hard. You are enough, and you were created just as you are, for a specific purpose, and you are loved by the Heavenly Father to a capacity that is truly beyond all human comprehension. You don't have to try so hard; feel the grip that this world has on you physically be released, and embrace the heart of the Father.

"Take your makeup off,

Let your hair down,

Take a breath,

Look into the mirror at yourself,

don't you like you?

Cause I like you!" ... and so does the Father.