Nobody "Gets" Me.

And there it was... buried in the depths of my heart, covered with years upon years of dust. Just waiting to be pulled out of the darkness and brought into the light; finally discovered and finally dealt with. What is this thing, you may ask...

It is the longing of my soul to be understood.

If you're anything like me, then I'm quite positive you have experienced this deep longing and desire to be known and understood for exactly who you are.

I have to believe that regardless of whether an individual wants to admit it or not, the desire to be known and understood is universal in human beings. It is a desire that transcends the physical and enters the realm of the spiritual. We can be surrounded by a room full of people, but if not one of those individuals really understands who we are, we could very well feel that we are completely alone.

Perhaps you have experienced this feeling of loneliness before. Perhaps this is the desire your heart truly longs for... to be known and understood by the ones you love the most: your parents, your siblings, your best friends...  and perhaps you are experiencing great pain and distress from the feelings and fears of not being understood by those people you love, or perhaps you have experienced this at least once before... I have.

Last weekend I had the opportunity to go on my first silent retreat with some classmates for one of my spiritual formation classes through Spring Arbor University. At first the idea of 24 hours of silence and rest seemed wonderfully relaxing. In a semester that has presented countless opportunities to be an extrovert, silence seemed just what a hardcore introvert needed most. So we left for our retreat... and I was excited beyond belief, but then my mind caught up with my excitement. I began to wonder, what on earth will I think about for 24 hours? What if I don't do this whole silence thing right? (as if one could really do silence "wrong") The thoughts seemed to be on a continuous cycle in my mind, but they ceased the moment I sat at the edge of my bed, opened my palms to the sky and said, "Well... God, here I am. I don't know what to do, I don't know what you want me to think about, I don't know what you want to bring up, but take this time; it is yours."

I should have known that surrendering the time to God would be fruitful nonetheless,  but incredibly tough to work through, quite sticky if you will. God is funny like that; He doesn't really give handouts. He makes you work, but the results of that hard work taste so very sweet.

In the midst of the silence, there was a one opportunity to use words, and that was during a one-on-one time with the class professor. He offered his time for us to talk about anything we may want, or anything that has been pressing upon us lately... I came with nothing. Up to this point, I still had not figured anything out to think about or work through, but I quickly observed how powerful it is to simply make myself available to another human being, available to the Holy Spirit, and I also observed the power that a simple question can have.

As my professor asked me a few simple questions, those simple questions continued to inch deeper and deeper into some more difficult questions. The questions became more thought provoking, and all of a sudden, it seemed to appear out of nowhere, rising out of the depths of my heart, that longing to be understood. It was as if someone had taken some Pledge furniture polish and wiped away the many layers of dust that had been suppressing that desire for so long. The realization was painful, and the fear that came with it was strong. What was this realization? It was this: I am not fully understood by anyone.

If those words hold true, I am not understood by anyone... then what is the point? Why do I need relationships if nobody every truly "gets me" or knows what is going on in my heart and mind? Why bother investing in all those people that God places along my path if they don't really understand or know me? But then it hit me... the words filtered through my ears gently... "Lindsey, you want to be known and understood, but do you seek to know and understand those around you?" The words were so humbling, but they caused me even more fear; the fear of being countercultural.

In a world that applauds individualism, productivity and independence, I think it is safe to say that taking time to sit down with another human being and learn about their life, their thoughts and their experiences is not really at the top of anyone's "To Do" list. To be honest, I think in most cases that if one had the opportunity to sit down with another person and learn about them by asking questions and simply listening, the experience, on both ends, would be viewed as quite awkward.

But why is it this way? What has changed from 100 years ago that we are so afraid to get to know the person sitting right in front of us, yet we have this expectation that they must know who we are? And why are we so afraid of being misunderstood? Why do we believe that there must be at least one person who understands every part of our mind and heart, because the truth is, that may never be a reality... But here is a reality, and one that I think offers much hope.

You are fully known. You are fully understood. You are fully loved.

You may never feel the truth of these words here on earth, because human beings fail every single day, and you can be sure that each day, there is going to be at least one person that lets you down in one way or another... and if they truly knew you and cared to understand you, that would not happen. But your Creator knows you. Your Creator understands you. Your Creator loves you, and guess what, your Creator will never fail, nor will He ever let you down.

 When you are surrounded by the people you love, the people that you assume should know you and understand you, but then let you down, remember the reality that although you may not be fully known or understood by anyone on this earth, your Creator will always fully know and understand you, and that is enough.  He left Heaven and sacrificed His divinity in order to fully know and understand you because He loves you so much.

Now I am not saying that loneliness is something we should simply pay no attention to. On the contrary, I think that loneliness is critically important to pay attention to, in ourselves, yes, so we can be reminded that we are always known by our Creator, but I think it is so important for us to recognize the loneliness in those around us. This is where my fear of being countercultural comes in. Culture doesn't tell us to go sit with the lonely elderly man sitting alone a couple of booths down in the restaurant and invite him to join us. Culture also doesn't encourage us to sit down with our family members and really dig into their lives, ask them questions like "What have been your burdens lately, and would you let me carry them with you?" But how can we expect anyone on this earth to ever spend time getting to know and understand us when we are not willing to know and understand them?

Fitting in with culture is so much easier than going against culture, because when one just goes with the expectations that culture has set in place, he or she can just fly under the radar. I am a pleaser, and meeting expectations is simple for me to do because I don't want to upset anyone or make things any more complicated than they need to be, so I simply let go of my desire to be countercultural, for fear of dissatisfying those around me or making them feel uncomfortable, but I have come to realize something... I am fed up with fitting in, and if being countercultural means that I am being a faithful disciple in the eyes of the Lord, than I am ready to face my fear, and being countercultural it is.

So I leave you with this...

When you are feeling lonely, like no one "gets you" or nobody "understands" ask yourself this question: "Am I seeking to understand others before I expect them to understand me?" And I would then encourage you to remind yourself that it does not matter if not a single person fully knows or understands you here on earth, because your Creator knew and understood you before you even knew yourself, and I'm sure He knows and understands you more than you know and understand yourself now.

 Here is my challenge, and this challenge is to myself, but I encourage you to join me, BE COUNTERCULTURAL! Go have intentional conversations with the people you care about. Figure out what is going in their lives, how they are dealing with it and how they are feeling. You may think you know someone, but you might be surprised what you learn when you take time to ask them questions and refrain from talking about yourself. "First seek to understand, then to be understood."

Finding Strength in Suffering

Ever since this summer, I have found it incredibly helpful to process through reading Scripture by SOAP journaling after I read. SOAP stands for Scripture, Observation, Application, Prayer. This month, I am reading through the book of Job, and today the Lord spoke to my heart about suffering. This is what I observed as I read through the scripture this morning:

So here is my thinking. As I sit here and briefly reflect on moments of growth in my life, I'm realizing that most, if not all moments of monumental growth (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) came through times of suffering.

I think sometimes we underestimate how relevant the term "suffering" is to our lives. I mean, I sometimes even think that there's no way I suffer in my life. When I think of suffering, I often think of life or death issues like persecution, starvation, chronic illness, homelessness, abuse, and the list could go on and on. I think of these awful things that people go through, and while I'm thankful my experience with suffering has not been to that extreme, I think it is important to recognize that yes, a caucasian, American female of 20 years old, with two loving parents, a great home, attending a Christian liberal arts university can still experience suffering.

Suffering is defined as, "The state of undergoing pain, distress or hardship." I don't know about you, but I can recall many moments, days, weeks or even multiple months or years that I have experienced at least one, if not all of these three things. That's not to say I was suffering in every aspect of my life, but there have been relational sufferings, physical sufferings, mental/emotional sufferings, and definitely some spiritual sufferings.

As I am reading through the book of Job, I am realizing the parallels between his life and sufferings and the suffering that many Christians go through today. In many instances we rack our brains tying to figure out what we could have possibly done wrong to be "punished" and experience periods of suffering, when in reality, rewards for good and punishment for evil are always in Gods hands and given according to His timeline. Job's three friends tried to convince him that it was his sin that was causing his sufferings, which is often what many Christians believe today, when in reality, the Lord allows us to suffer in order to learn and grow.

This morning I thought to myself, "But why do we have to experience suffering to learn and grow in our faith?" And then the Lord quickly reminded me that there is sin and evil present in our world. There is a gap in our relationship with the Lord and because of that gap from sin and evil, we have to not only adopt our faith and relationship with the Lord and make it our own, but we have to work to get to know Him and learn to trust Him.

In and ideal, perfect world, the world that God intended to create and did create before sin tainted it, I have to believe suffering was and would be nonexistent because we would already know our Creator intimately. We would already have full trust in Him. There would be no need for learning and growing from our experiences with suffering because we would already be in perfect relationship with the Lord. As depressing as it seems, that that "perfect" world is no longer available here on earth, it gives me great hope for the perfect future that the Lord promises me in eternity. It also cultivates gratitude in my heart that the Lord allows me to suffer, because in my suffering I learn the most about myself and God and I grow the most; and it is in that suffering that the Lord always reveals His unconditional love and faithfulness toward me.

Accepting suffering of any form is not easy, and I encourage you to not take lightly any suffering you are experiencing, even if it seems mild to you. In all suffering there is an opportunity to learn and grow and to draw nearer to the Lord.

My prayer today is this:
Lord suffering is inevitable... So teach us how to suffer well. When suffering strikes, guard our hearts, minds and mouths and before we take it anywhere else, remind us to bring it to your feet and meet you on our knees. Reveal yourself to us in our sufferings and allow us to learn and grow in all of our experiences. Thank you for your sovereignty God. I love you. Amen.

Giving Back for the Gift of Grace

This morning I was reading out of Ephesians 2. My home church, Crossroads Community Church, recently did a 21 day fast as a congregation and there was a prayer journal that went along with it. I was on vacation for the first week of the fast, so I am just now completing the journal, but today was day 19, and the verse for the day is Ephesians 2:8-9 which says:

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast."

As I read this verse this morning, I had an incredible encounter with the Holy Spirit. I always desire for the Holy Spirit to speak to me, and some mornings are more clear than others, and this particular morning, the message that God was desiring to speak into my heart was crystal clear. His message to me is this: If I offer you free grace, that you would never be able to obtain on your own, in return I want you to turn from your sin and pursue righteousness."

Grace is defined as the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of believers and bestowal of blessings.

You see, we are given the free gift of grace... us humans... unworthy, sinful prideful human beings; but Jesus gives us grace for free, and there is absolutely nothing we can do to try and earn it. That literally blows my mind. I cannot do anything to earn grace, but Jesus is just waiting to hand it to me and all I have to do is grab on to it. I don't know about you, but the fact that I don't have to work for grace makes me lazy sometimes. Free grace that is unearned but freely given... well then I guess I'll keep on sinning and just scoop up some of that free grace... this is my thought sometimes, and I am not proud of it.

Shouldn't the thought of the most perfect, flawless man, the very flesh and blood of God, leaving perfection and pure bliss in Heaven, coming down to earth as a human and experiencing true pain and suffering-- even worse than we will ever experience-- and then willingly being crucified to pay for our sins, make us WANT to strive toward living a life that is constantly walking toward righteousness? I'm not saying we won't make mistakes, because we absolutely will and that is where free grace comes in. But we shouldn't be paralyzed by our sin where we do nothing. Likewise, we shouldn't continue our sinful action, but we should confess our sins and fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, and continue our walk toward righteousness.

Jesus paid a very high price to allow us the gift of free grace-- shouldn't the way we live reflect the thanks and gratitude we have in our hearts for that incredible gift? Shouldn't we turn from our sinful ways, because I sure don't want to hurt the heart of the man who loves me so deeply that he chose to suffer for me.

My challenge to myself this week (and if you feel so obliged, I invite you to join me) is this:
When I catch myself living sinfully, I will repent and reflect on what I did wrong so that I can truly do my best to not sin the same way again, and then I will apologize for hurting the heart of my savior with my sin... and then I will scoop up some of that free grace and thank my God for loving me unconditionally and for the gift of grace so that I can spend eternity with Him in Heaven some day.

Cause' Comfy Ain't Cuttin' it...

Have you ever gone through a rough patch and attempted to ask God what He might be teaching you through the tough circumstances? Has He ever answered you in a way you definitely weren't expecting? Well, this week God answered me in a very unexpected way... through a pair of shoes.

For anyone who knows me in the slightest bit, you most likely know that I am a pretty avid runner. I love to run. Running is my "Me-time;" my time to release emotions, the time for my body to release some sweat, and not to mention some much needed endorphins. For about the past month or so, I have been battling some pretty nagging pain in my right hip, and it has put a wrench into my every morning routine of going for a run. Although my instinct tells me to run through the pain, I know it is much wiser to give my body some rest, but as I have been resting up, my mind has been questioning every little thing that I could have possibly done to have injured my hip.

While nothing came to mind at first, I eventually remembered going for a walk with my mom one afternoon, and as we were walking, she pointed out that my right foot was pronating pretty heavily. For anyone who is not a runner, pronating simply means that you are walking or running with most of your weight on the inside edge of the foot, so it looks like your foot is falling inward. It was so weird because I have never had a problem with pronation, but it soon clicked that I had recently switched running shoes, and that was the "Ah Hah" moment.

 When I was out riding my bike the other day, I remember thinking about the new pair of running shoes I had purchased while on vacation in Virginia. Long story short, I went for instant comfort in a new pair of shoes that I had never run in before, rather than the supportive, stable shoes that I have found success in for the past three years. I disregarded the little nagging voice in my mind telling me it might not be the best idea to deviate from the shoes I had known and loved for so long. I should have listened to that voice. Little did I know, switching shoes would cost me more than just some paper money. It seemed that as quickly as the comfort came, it left... and the shoes no longer felt good. I quickly realized that I had made a mistake by choosing instant comfort rather than sticking to the shoes that I knew and loved, but took a little bit of time to break in, but seemed to know and love me right back.

This morning, as I was spending some time in the Word, God's lesson in this situation came full circle. There are moments in my journey with Jesus in which I feel like I'm on a spiritual high. I feel like I'm on a mountain top, and I am motivated to spend time with Jesus all day everyday. On the contrary, there are moments when I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. I sill know and love Jesus, but it seems so hard to find the motivation and satisfaction in reading my Bible, and spending time in prayer and other spiritual disciplines, so I look for satisfaction elsewhere.

What I realized this morning is that just like I negotiated long-term comfort and success in the shoes that I have known for instant comfort that would soon ware off in this new pair of running shoes, I tend to negotiate my relationship with Jesus, the one who I know and knows me, for instant gratification and comfort in earthly things that soon wares off. By this, I mean that I often negotiate spending time in prayer for time in front of the television or phone screen. I often choose a nap over spending more time in the Word. I often instantly satisfy desires like making a small purchase rather than praying through temptation. I take the easy road, the road that leads to instant satisfaction, but ultimately leaves me feeling empty and uncomfortable with myself and the choices I make. I am so quick to negotiate the long-term, everlasting, eternal care and comfort of a Heavenly Father who loves me unconditionally and promises me a future of comfort and perfection, for things of this earth that just won't last. I seek instant comfort because it feels so good for a moment, but I quickly realize that being impatient just isn't worth it, and true comfort and care comes from time with my Creator who I know, and who knows me inside and out and loves me so much that He gave up His life for me.

So there my answer came... in a pair of shoes. Unexpected, and surprised are understatements in this case... or as they say, "Who wudda thunk?" The Lord used a pair of shoes to show me that instant comfort does not ultimately lead to long-term comfort or satisfaction. Choosing to fill my life with earthly pleasures will not fill me up when I am feeling spiritually empty, but toughing it out and digging into the Word, even when I don't necessarily feel like it, will. Choosing to spend time talking with my Creator who knows exactly what I desire, am longing for and searching for, the Creator who is completely capable of providing exactly what I need, is the only thing that will ever lead me to everlasting comfort and satisfaction.

So here is my challenge to myself, and I encourage you to join me... Start simple, and choose one thing. What is one thing that you are choosing to partake in or spend your time on to gain comfort or satisfaction that you are able to sacrifice to spend more time in the Word or in prayer? I'm thinking a social media fast of some sort is coming my way, maybe that's an idea for you?

Blessings and peace, friends.

"You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11

What Happens When You Ask For it?

I'm sure you have heard the age-old saying, "Be careful what you wish for!" It's a common phrase that people say when someone they know and love is wanting something or desiring something to happen or play out in a particular way, but as the friend, you might be experiencing a preconceived notion that ohhh, this might not end well. I am not one to put a penny in the wishing well, because rather than wishing for something, I have a God who hears my prayers and knows the desires of my heart. However, I do have to say that I think this saying reigns true as we present our requests to God. Instead of "Be careful what you wish for," I believe, from a Christian perspective, that the saying should read, "Be careful what you pray for." Let me tell you why.

If you are a Christian, or have listened to any Christian music, I am sure you have heard the common prayer, "Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours." I know I have sang that prayer in the midst of many worship gatherings, but this morning, those words, that prayer, reached to a whole new depth in my heart. I began to think, "Wow-- do I really know what I am saying when I ask God to break my heart for what breaks His?" The reason I say be careful what you pray for, is because God is going to answer, and it may be unpleasant, and a bit more powerful than what you might expect. 

This morning, as I was scrolling my Pinterest page (a guilty pleasure as I sip my morning coffee), I came across one particular pin that I just couldn't get past: 

Please, take a moment to take this in, and it may take more than a moment. It may haunt your heart and mind for awhile, because that's what it sure did to me. 

The reason I say be careful what you pray for, is because this morning, I really wasn't prepared for what I was praying for. When I first saw this pin, of course it cut deep, but when I asked God to break my heart for what breaks His, I didn't expect Him to prompt me by His Spirit to dig deeper into this issue. 

The message of the cross, and the beauty of God's redemptive love is illegal. Please let that sink in... ILLEGAL. It doesn't mean frowned upon; it doesn't mean judgement; it doesn't even mean excommunicated, rather execution, torture, abuse. As I was doing some research, I found some numbers that completely blew my mind, and absolutely felt like a sword cutting my heart into two broken pieces. Take a look:

According to Open Doors, a ministry serving persecuted Christians throughout the world, there are 50 countries that are experiencing religious persecution, in regards to the practice of the Christian faith. I'm not going to list the 50 countries, but what I will list, are the statistics that I was able to gather. The website listed the population for each country, and the number of Christians in that particular country. The total population for the 50 countries combined is 4,671,175,000 people, and the number of Christians in those 50 countries is 423,429,000 people. This means that less than 10% (.0906%) of the total population are followers of Jesus Christ, and those that are followers, are risking their lives to practice the Christian faith and be disciples of Jesus. 

Putting these numbers into perspective: There are currently about 7 billion people living in the world. This means that 66.7% of the population is experiencing or will experience persecution if the individual chooses to hear the message of the Gospel, and become a disciple of Jesus. Out of those 50 countries there are various levels of persecution that Christians face. In 11/50 of the countries, or 22%, Christians face extreme persecution. In 28/50 of the countries or 56% Christians face moderate persecution, and in 11/50, or 22% of the countries, Christians face sparse persecution. 

As if that were not enough, here are some more shocking statistics about persecution according to Open Doors. The definition of Christian persecution is any hostility experienced from the world as a result of one's identification as a Christian. Each month, 332 Christians are killed for their faith, 214 churches and Christian properties are destroyed, and 772 forms of violence are committed against Christians (this includes beatings, abductions, rape, arrests, and forced marriages). 

Now you may be wondering, "So how does this have anything to do with being careful about what I pray for?" Well, let me refer to the blog post title... "What Happens When You Ask For it?" My answer to that question is this... you get it. When you pray to God and present your requests to Him, He will respond. He isn't some statue in the sky that we pray to out of obligation, He is alive and well, and He is ready and willing to work in our hearts and lives if we let Him. He hears our prayers, and He knows the sincerity of our hearts. When our hearts are ready for it, He will break them, and I'll be honest, the feeling is not warm and fuzzy. Social injustice has weighed heavily on my heart for a long time, but today, the Lord truly took my prayer to break my heart for what breaks His to a whole new level. I am thankful for the pain and sorrow that I feel in my heart, and for the many moments of weeping, because it compels me to action. The beauty of a broken heart, is that God does not leave you alone with it. He provides opportunities to get involved, to take action, to research, and to become educated on what is truly going on in this world that we call home. He breaks each of our hearts in a unique way, giving us unique interests, desires and gifts to partner with Him in bringing redemption to this broken world. 

Today I am filled with sorrow. I am brokenhearted for those that are facing persecution for remaining faithful to their love for Jesus, and commitment to following Him. I am also experiencing an incredible gratitude and appreciation to be able to call the United States of America my home. I am thankful for being born and raised in a home where the message of the Gospel is not only legal, but has been fed into my soul since the moment I was brought into this world. I am thankful for my relationship with Jesus. I'm thankful for His guidance and provision, and I am so thankful that as humans we can be so in tune with Him through the Holy Spirit, that we are able to feel the brokenness of God's very own heart. We are able to weep with Him, rejoice with Him, and share in a life of ministry, working toward the goal of redeeming this broken world by sharing the good news of the Gospel. 

Please, take a moment today to meditate on this truth: You are free to follow Jesus. It may seem like a simple truth; a truth that I often take for granted and do not put much thought into, but please know that you are privileged to live where you do, privileged with great freedom, and privileged with safety. Don't take those gifts for granted; allow them to be used to pass the message of the Gospel onward. And please, join me in praying for our brothers and sisters in Christ, who are fighting for their safety and their lives to continue following Jesus. May the Lord bless them and keep them safe and may the power of the Holy Spirit move through these nations and governments, and may the Good News of the Gospel know no boundaries, illegal or not, may it pour into every heart that so desperately needs to hear it. 

Remember, be careful what you pray for. Prepare your heart, because when you ask for it, He will answer.

"Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute." Proverbs 31:8

Source: 

https://www.opendoorsusa.org/christian-persecution/

What Is Love?

Today is January 6, 2015... AKA the dreaded day in which winter break ends. It is gone with the movies, cookies and cocoa and back to the books, black coffee and ever-so-wonderfully-delicious dining commons mystery meals. As dreadful as I make it sound, I am actually very excited to be back at school and I am really looking forward to all that this J-term and spring semester will bring. I am excited to see where the Lord leads me and I am even more excited to figure out how to respond to His leading.

Despite my excitement to be back on campus, I realized something today... it is so incredibly hard to leave home. I guess the realization came quickly as tears were flowing down my cheeks like the Niagara Falls. I was gasping for air between my sobs as I drove away from my house, my parents standing in the driveway waving goodbye.

As I continued to drive, the tears continued to fall. I reflected on what a wonderful month it has been. There was no big event, nothing particularly special about being home for this winter break, but I always truly enjoy spending time with my family. Eventually I was able to work past the tears, and I began to think about how much I love my family, and besides that, how much my family loves me.

My parents are two of the most sacrificial people you could ever meet. They are constantly putting the needs of others above their own. From the day I was born into this world I have been cared for, provided for, cherished, adored and loved by my parents. I am so thankful and fortunate to say that I have an incredibly deep relationship with both my mom and my dad and as I have grown up each of them has become more than a parent but truly a friend.

As strange as it may seem, as I was driving back to school, I began to think about what a blessing it is to feel so heart broken to leave home. Before today I never thought of it in this way. But think about it, what a blessing it is to have people in your life that love you so unconditionally that it literally hurts your heart to be separated from them. My parent's have shown me a love that is so strong and unconditional that I just hate to leave their physical presence, even though I know love knows no physical limits. The environment they have created for my sister and I to be brought up in is so warm, welcoming, encouraging and abounding in love that it makes it so incredibly hard to leave.

These thoughts continued to swirl through my head, when all of a sudden I felt the Lord speaking an incredible truth in my heart. He said "Think of that love that you experience in your relationship with your parents and then imagine that I love you even more than that." Wow-- how can that be? I then started to think about the tight embrace and soft whisper of "I love you" that my mom gave me before I left and the tears that were gently rolling down her cheeks as I pulled out of the driveway. And I felt the Lord say to me, "Your mother's heart hurts when you leave, think how much more my heart hurts when you walk away from me." I heard Him say, "I love you so much Lindsey, and because I love you so much, you never have to say goodbye to me, even if temporarily, as you temporarily say goodbye to your parents." He said, "I am always with you, and I don't want you to say goodbye to me, because that is what makes my heart hurt; when you say goodbye."

This was an overwhelming message to take in. I thought about what it means to say goodbye to God. What are the times in my life when I have said goodbye to God, and then I got to thinking about all of the times I figured I had enough strength or power on my own to get through a tough time or accomplish a task. I thought of the multiple times of day that I sin and go against all that God stands for. I thought about all those times I have done things for self-glory. All of these situations are times when I have said goodbye to God, and in a sense, broken His heart, because I have walked away from His love. How I have hurt the heart of God.

But, the message does not end there. Lucky for me, not only is God's love abundant but so is His great mercy. Because of His great love for me, He is willing to forgive me for saying goodbye and He is eager to welcome me back into His merciful arms. I am so thankful for this.

Today I realized an incredibly simple, yet extremely profound lesson, and it is this: I don't ever want to hurt God's heart. His love is so unconditional and so sacrificial, and I am so undeserving and unworthy of His love, but He chooses to love me anyway and that is something I never want to say goodbye to. Without His love, I cease to have hope. Without His love, I cease to have purpose. Without His love, I cease to exist. I need His love and I crave His love, and I never, ever want to say goodbye.

Today I gained a new perspective to what it means to love, and even more so, what it means to be loved. I learned through a not-so-elegant situation an incredible piece of truth that the Lord has revealed to me through His divine power. The Lord works in any and every situation, and I am so thankful that my heart was receptive to what He wanted to speak to me today. Mom and dad, if you are reading this, thank you for showing me so much love since the day I was brought into this world, and even more than that, thank you for introducing me to the love of the Father. It is because of His great love that I have learned to appreciate the love that I have for each of you. I thank God daily for blessing me with such wonderful earthly parents. I love you guys so much, and I am so thankful that it hurts so much to say goodbye ;).