It DOESN'T matter!!!

Well, I was sitting here reading a book by Joyce Meyer tonight called "Making Good Habits Breaking Bad Habits", and the book goes through 14 different behaviors that are supposed to aid in creating healthy habits, and breaking those habits we aren't so proud to admit that we have. Tonight, I was on behavior #12... Confidence. I got to the second page of the chapter, and there was a list of verses that suggest who Christ says we are. These verses are meant to be verses of encouragement, because we are created in the image of Christ, and who Christ says we are, is who we truly can be! I went down the list of verses, 1 John 4:16-18, John 3:18, Romans 12:6,  Philippians 4:13, and then a very common Psalm that I often overlook, Psalm 139:13-16 which says,

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book."

For some reason, that last verse (v. 16)- Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book, stuck out so much to me tonight, and in my journal, I just began to write the words... IT DOESN'T MATTER. I didn't understand why those words came to my mind at first, but then I began to process the words of that last verse, and it so suddenly came to me. The Lord has a plan for my life... that is so cliche to say, but it is so true. From the time before I was even placed into my mother's womb, the Lord had a plan for my life. I picture Him sitting at a desk, pulling out a manila folder with my name on it, and going through the resume of my life. The jobs I will have, the relationships I will have, the husband I may have, the children I may have, etc. To me these are all "may haves", "mights", or "maybes", but the Lord knows! He has a plan! And when I read that last verse, it makes me realize, why have I been living my life the way I have been living it? Why do I worry about what my future career will be, how much money I will make, whether or not I am pleasing every person around me, if I am making my boss happy, if I appear likable to others, if I will ever get married, if I will ever get to be a mom... Why am I worrying? The Lord has a plan. He has ALL of my days that are ordained for me WRITTEN IN HIS BOOK! The Lord doesn't call me to worry, but to earnestly seek Him in all of my ways! If I am seeking the Lord, then I have nothing to worry about, because I will be experiencing the most enriching life there could possibly be!

I think about how much time I have spent worrying, and being such a people-pleaser, and trying to chase perfection, when I know it will always be out of reach, and tonight, the Holy Spirit truly sort of slapped me in the face with those words... IT DOESN'T MATTER. When I think about those words, I think about how small my life is on the larger scale of things. I think about the world as a whole... All 7.165 billion people... and it makes me realize that the things I worry about really don't matter. In fact, they don't matter at all. What DOES matter is this, there are about 2.5 billion people... that is just shy of 1/3, of the entire population of the world who have not been reached with the Gospel. That means that there are 2.5 billion people in this world who truly have no clue what love is or how to love because they haven't  experienced love yet... because the Bible says in 1 John 4:8 that God IS love. That is 2.5 billion people who don't have a spot yet reserved for them in the eternal home of Heaven because they don't have relationships with Jesus Christ, because they have yet to be reached with the Gospel. I read this, and it breaks my heart. It truly makes the words IT DOESN'T MATTER hurt. It's as if my heart is a hard piece of wood and the Holy Spirit is working with a carving knife to truly engrave those words into my heart, so that they become a part of my heart. Those simple words... IT DOESN'T MATTER. Gosh, I keep reading those words and saying those words, and it truly makes me realize how minuscule the things are that I worry about and complain about, especially when I think about how someone's salvation is at stake, someone maybe 10,000 miles away, or maybe just 10 miles away, because they have not heard about the Love of Jesus Christ. 

This post isn't meant to be depressing or sad, even though it honestly is. Those numbers don't lie, and as a Christian, it makes me feel like a failure, but it makes those words, IT DOESN'T MATTER, ring so true to me, and it makes me want to do something. The next time I catch myself so selfishly worrying about something that truly won't matter in an hour anyway, I want to remind myself that it DOESN'T MATTER. I want to remind myself of Psalm 139:16, the Lord has a plan for my life, and He has had this master plan for a long time now, and He will work everything out as long as I am seeking Him. I want to remind myself of what DOES matter... Those men, women and children who have yet to hear about and experience the love of an incredible, omnipotent, omniscient, gracious, merciful, faithful God! So, the next time you catch yourself worrying about how much money you have in your bank account, what grade you got on your last test, how you haven't studied so much for an upcoming test, whether or not this outfit makes you look fat, whether or not Susie will go on that date with you, or whatever it is... remember... IT DOESN'T MATTER. 

I leave you with this... Jesus calls us to go and spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth in Acts 1:8. My life verse, and goal is the following, and I hope it can be a good reminder to you, that the little things DON'T MATTER, but a person's salvation... now that MATTERS.

"But in your hearts, revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."

-1 Peter 3:15

I Am... FREE!

For the past several months, I have been carrying a burden. This burden, for me, came as quite a surprise, because it involved something I had absolutely loved to become something I honestly began to start hating. What is this burden? This burden is running. Running, to me, is a beautiful gift from the Lord that I have been blessed with. To me, running is more than my feet simply hitting the pavement, my lungs burning, and my body screaming in pain at times. To me, running is a lifestyle. It is a gift to be able to move my legs in a way that so many others can't. It is a blessing to be able to take a deep breath in the middle of pushing my body to do something it really shouldn't even be doing. It is a blessing to have the courage to get out of my comfort zone and become comfortable with being so uncomfortable. It is a blessing every time I get to cross a finish line, no matter what race it is. It is a blessing to see that clock showing a PR, a sure sign that my hard work has finally paid off. Running is truly a gift.

To begin hating something I have loved for years now... well it's absolutely devastating. Several months back, I had encountered a situation that really changed my perspective of running, and the sad part is, is that it was because of the false words I allowed myself to believe, I began to despise going out for a run. These past few months, I can honestly say, have been the first time in my life that i have struggled to lace up my shoes and head out the door for a run. I began to dread just the thought of going out for a run. With every run, I began to count down the miles, just waiting until I could finally push that stop button and be done for the day. I didn't enjoy myself, I complained, I was fatigued, I felt so heavy, I began to believe the voice of Satan telling me, "Lindsey, just give it up. You CAN'T do this." My heart was broken, my emotions were thrown for a loop, and I was irritable to those around me. I just wanted to quit running, and have absolutely no obligations to have to ever do it again. My feelings of hate were so strong, it truly broke my heart. How could something I had loved for so long, and enjoyed so much, become something I despised and dreaded? What had originally been my stress-reliever, was now becoming my stressor. 

About a week ago, I began to hit my all time low. I didn't know what to do with my feelings anymore, and I couldn't bear the thought of going out for a run every single day, yet I knew I had to continue training because my teammates were depending on me to do my part for the team, so even though I hated every second, I went out and did it. I began to break down, and I finally came to the point that I knew I needed to talk to someone. Someone had to know what I was experiencing and how I was feeling. I knew there was someone that had to understand me, and the Lord showed me just who I needed to talk to. Without names being mentioned, this friend of mine was so compassionate towards me, and such a comfort. She knew how I was feeling; she had been there. She did her best to speak light into my life, and these words were my saving grace! What stuck out the most was this... "Just let it all go until August. Pray about it, but do not think about running until you absolutely have to. Just run this summer, and truly ENJOY it." What I had been struggling with for awhile was the thought of running for Spring Arbor University again next year. This burden had been so heavy on my shoulders, that it truly felt like a weight pressing me down into the ground, making it impossible to run fast, or really run at all. I felt awful, both emotionally and physically. I held onto those words, let it go until August, and with that, I bring you the incredible power of our Lord and Savior.

Yesterday, Saturday May 17, 2014, I went out for a short recovery run, and for the first couple of miles, I felt incredibly weighed down, just carrying that burden on my shoulders, and immediately becoming even more depressed and defeated when I looked at the pace on my watch. A few tears began to roll down my cheeks, but then I heard the Lord whisper, Lindsey, turn your watch off. Just turn it off and run. So, I did what I thought the Lord was telling me to do, and I turned my watch off. After I turned off my watch, I began to pray, and I prayed a prayer of surrender. I didn't want to carry this awful burden of making a decision about running next year, and how awful I have felt lately, and the hate that I had towards running. I didn't want to hold on to it any longer. I prayed that the Lord would truly show me, some how, that He truly was reaching down and taking the burden away from me as I was offering it up to Him... and suddenly, I felt a physical lightness upon my shoulders as a weight literally felt like it was being lifted from me. I immediately began to cry and laugh all at the same time, and before I knew it, my legs were moving so swiftly, just like they had before, and I was rejoicing again in this beautiful gift. It was truly in a matter of seconds! The Lord is so faithful in answering our prayers! And, as if that is not enough... I headed out today to do a long run, 10 miles, and before I headed out, I prayed that the Lord would continue to hold that burden and that I would rejoice in this beautiful gift of running, just as He originally intended for me to do. As I began running, I looked down at my watch at one mile... 7:16... and as the miles kept rolling, I kept trucking along, rejoicing in this gift, admiring the Father's beautiful creation around me, and by the time I got done, I looked at my watch and had realized I had averaged a 7:26 mile pace for 10 miles! The Lord is SO good!

Today, I am so thankful for prayer, and for open communication with the Father, and I am so thankful that He listens, and truly desires to answer His children's prayers and bless His children. I am also so thankful that we do not have to walk this life alone, and that the Lord places wonderful people in our lives to encourage us and give us advice when we need it. So, to my saving grace that gave me such a simple, yet so profound piece of advice to "let it go until August", I am so thankful for you and our friendship, and you are so truly loved and appreciated! (You know who you are!) Don't ever underestimate the power of prayer, and do not hesitate to lift your burdens to the Father. He is truly strong enough to carry them for you, and even better yet, He wants to do so!