To begin hating something I have loved for years now... well it's absolutely devastating. Several months back, I had encountered a situation that really changed my perspective of running, and the sad part is, is that it was because of the false words I allowed myself to believe, I began to despise going out for a run. These past few months, I can honestly say, have been the first time in my life that i have struggled to lace up my shoes and head out the door for a run. I began to dread just the thought of going out for a run. With every run, I began to count down the miles, just waiting until I could finally push that stop button and be done for the day. I didn't enjoy myself, I complained, I was fatigued, I felt so heavy, I began to believe the voice of Satan telling me, "Lindsey, just give it up. You CAN'T do this." My heart was broken, my emotions were thrown for a loop, and I was irritable to those around me. I just wanted to quit running, and have absolutely no obligations to have to ever do it again. My feelings of hate were so strong, it truly broke my heart. How could something I had loved for so long, and enjoyed so much, become something I despised and dreaded? What had originally been my stress-reliever, was now becoming my stressor.
About a week ago, I began to hit my all time low. I didn't know what to do with my feelings anymore, and I couldn't bear the thought of going out for a run every single day, yet I knew I had to continue training because my teammates were depending on me to do my part for the team, so even though I hated every second, I went out and did it. I began to break down, and I finally came to the point that I knew I needed to talk to someone. Someone had to know what I was experiencing and how I was feeling. I knew there was someone that had to understand me, and the Lord showed me just who I needed to talk to. Without names being mentioned, this friend of mine was so compassionate towards me, and such a comfort. She knew how I was feeling; she had been there. She did her best to speak light into my life, and these words were my saving grace! What stuck out the most was this... "Just let it all go until August. Pray about it, but do not think about running until you absolutely have to. Just run this summer, and truly ENJOY it." What I had been struggling with for awhile was the thought of running for Spring Arbor University again next year. This burden had been so heavy on my shoulders, that it truly felt like a weight pressing me down into the ground, making it impossible to run fast, or really run at all. I felt awful, both emotionally and physically. I held onto those words, let it go until August, and with that, I bring you the incredible power of our Lord and Savior.
Yesterday, Saturday May 17, 2014, I went out for a short recovery run, and for the first couple of miles, I felt incredibly weighed down, just carrying that burden on my shoulders, and immediately becoming even more depressed and defeated when I looked at the pace on my watch. A few tears began to roll down my cheeks, but then I heard the Lord whisper, Lindsey, turn your watch off. Just turn it off and run. So, I did what I thought the Lord was telling me to do, and I turned my watch off. After I turned off my watch, I began to pray, and I prayed a prayer of surrender. I didn't want to carry this awful burden of making a decision about running next year, and how awful I have felt lately, and the hate that I had towards running. I didn't want to hold on to it any longer. I prayed that the Lord would truly show me, some how, that He truly was reaching down and taking the burden away from me as I was offering it up to Him... and suddenly, I felt a physical lightness upon my shoulders as a weight literally felt like it was being lifted from me. I immediately began to cry and laugh all at the same time, and before I knew it, my legs were moving so swiftly, just like they had before, and I was rejoicing again in this beautiful gift. It was truly in a matter of seconds! The Lord is so faithful in answering our prayers! And, as if that is not enough... I headed out today to do a long run, 10 miles, and before I headed out, I prayed that the Lord would continue to hold that burden and that I would rejoice in this beautiful gift of running, just as He originally intended for me to do. As I began running, I looked down at my watch at one mile... 7:16... and as the miles kept rolling, I kept trucking along, rejoicing in this gift, admiring the Father's beautiful creation around me, and by the time I got done, I looked at my watch and had realized I had averaged a 7:26 mile pace for 10 miles! The Lord is SO good!
Today, I am so thankful for prayer, and for open communication with the Father, and I am so thankful that He listens, and truly desires to answer His children's prayers and bless His children. I am also so thankful that we do not have to walk this life alone, and that the Lord places wonderful people in our lives to encourage us and give us advice when we need it. So, to my saving grace that gave me such a simple, yet so profound piece of advice to "let it go until August", I am so thankful for you and our friendship, and you are so truly loved and appreciated! (You know who you are!) Don't ever underestimate the power of prayer, and do not hesitate to lift your burdens to the Father. He is truly strong enough to carry them for you, and even better yet, He wants to do so!
No comments:
Post a Comment